well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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