just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
