is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
