mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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