im having a threesome with these popsicles
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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