In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
