Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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