apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just had sex on a roof
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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