i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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