Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
