Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
