My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
