Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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