I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want her autograph on my taint
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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