Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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