you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
