Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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