I just cut my nipple shaving
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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