upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
