Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
