Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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