Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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