I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
