she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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