Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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