went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
