my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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