I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
