I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
