I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
