If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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