I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
