from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
