Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
