Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
