i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
