do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
