you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
