i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
