at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
3pm strippers are depressing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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