the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
