Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
