marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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