Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
