# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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