we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
