I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
