The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
