omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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