she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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