you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
